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"He emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross."
I would never forget the day of my conversion. God touched me with His love and I was never the same. I was between grace and sin; hope and despair; life and death; light and darkness. Yet, as God’s grace drew me in, even sin, despair, and darkness were seen as gift because I would not have recognized the depth of God’s love without such pain and faults.
In the moment between grace and despair, I was touched by Love which took me as I was - sinner, weak, rejected. Surprised and left in wonder in response to the love with which He had shown me, I felt like Matthew at the customs post when Jesus said, “Follow me.” I did not think that the God whom I had rejected would call me. The last thing I would think of was to be a candidate for discipleship. I had strongly believed that my suffering was punishment from God, blaming him for my pain. But this perspective would be changed forever when the Love of God stooped down from Heaven to fill my pain with consolation and joy.
On the brink of despair, I experienced God’s Love embracing me and heard His voice say, “I love you.” I felt loved as I was. But most significantly, I experienced Christ Crucified upon the Cross. By the grace of God, I recognized my personal participation in nailing Him to the Cross. Yet, He humbled Himself to take my offenses upon Himself for the sake of my conversion and salvation. This was, I felt, the highest expression of Love I can possibly experience. I had nailed Christ upon the Cross and God took it upon Himself to take my offenses for love of me. I could not help but feel contrite and repentant. I was drawn to a conversion of heart, mind, and soul. I desired to change in the way I thought and act.
Gazing upon the Crucified, I was captivated by the personal love He had poured out for me:
“He emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.” (Phil 2:7-8)
Touched by this Love, I felt moved to be empty for God, to be selfless and self giving. I felt impelled to love as He has loved me. “My deepest vocation,” as Father Henri Nouwen says, “is to be a witness to the glimpses of God I have been allowed to catch.” I feel drawn to be a witness of God’s compassion, forgiveness, and resurrection. I pray that my daily living continues to be a sign of God’s Love I have been privileged to experience. Moved to daily conversion, I ask for the grace of fidelity to the Love with which I have been given. Amen.